apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
