I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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