so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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