I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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