also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
