Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
