Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
