I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
