some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
