Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
