Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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