I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
