i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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