She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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