He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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