Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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