there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
