So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
