This is not my ceiling
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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