Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
