i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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