You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
