i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
