Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
