Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
