i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The air was thick with penises
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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