Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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