I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
