Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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