i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
