lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
