so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
