well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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