I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
