A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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