I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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