I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
