The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
