How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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