apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
