there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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