You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
