Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
