I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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