Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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