my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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