how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
