Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the day after is always just damage control
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
