Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
only if we run a train.
done.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize