Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
