she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
