Sry I called you an 8
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize