Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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