do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We have started to decorate penises.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
