he wants to bone in the snuggie
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
