tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
