they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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