I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
