you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
