I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
