dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
