weddingsv make me drug and hornr
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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