: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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