Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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