Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
