Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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