i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
