I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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