Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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